The reason is simple – everything about how we operate in this world is informed by our beliefs. Remember that our beliefs came into being because we had an idea that we thought repeatedly until we perceived that we could see “evidence” of the truth of that belief everywhere. We developed a sense of certainty about the meaning of the thing we were thinking. That’s a big statement, so let me break it down for you with an example. If you had an idea that it wasn’t good to ask for help, you will have gone looking for evidence of the truth of that.

Maybe you saw that your parents, boss or siblings didn’t ask for help or maybe someone teased you when you did ask for help, so you began to see evidence that your idea was true. After a time, this then develops into a feeling of certainty (a belief) that it’s not good to ask for help and so you go through life being influenced by the power of that belief.

What makes us want help? We are by our very nature social beings that require social interaction, engagement, stimulation and support to live happily. An important element of the human experience is the relationship we have with others through our emotional, conversational, intellectual, physical and spiritual exchange. Indeed, research shows that babies who do not receive physical touch, emotional stimulation and social interaction experience a condition known as Failure to Thrive. This condition sees the child fail to gain weight, become lack lustre and eventually not respond to external stimulation, refuse food and literally waste away. So, it is clear that we need interaction with other human beings and we need to be able to experience the sense of belonging and connection.

Most of us enjoy the opportunity to “be there” for a friend, colleague, family member or any other person about whom we care when they need that little bit of extra support. I would go so far as to suggest that it is one of life’s great pleasures to be able to respond to the call of someone we love when they need support, be it conversation, a cooked meal, minding their children whilst they attend to something important, supporting their business, or holding them while they cry. There is a simple and humbling privilege in being entrusted with someone’s uncertainty and vulnerability and most of us find a way to be able to help if it is within our power to do so.

Despite this, we seem to develop a block when it’s time for us to turn around and seek support when we need it?

If you are one of those people who do appreciate the opportunity to show the people who matter in your life that you are willing to support them, why would you not allow them the same opportunity? I recall having a conversation with my daughter one time about feeling really stressed at work and being uncertain about what to do to create the desired change to the situation. At the age of sixteen, she said, “well do you want to have a talk about it with me?” Now whether it was her age, a belief that she was too young to understand, a sense that as the parent it was my job to support her (not the other way around), or what, I wasn’t sure. But, the sad thing was that I said, “no it’s OK darl, I’ll figure it out and be OK”.

She went off very quietly and when I went to see if she was OK a little while later, she said something that really made me think. She said, “you are always trying to support us and that’s cool, but sometimes we like to be able to support you too you know. Kids know things about the world you know”. She had nailed me beautifully with the reminder that we all need the “gift” of being able to be there in support of the people we love and care about.

A thought to end on…Without even realising, sometimes we don’t even receive help when it is offered to us.