I am a personal development and Emotional Enterprise specialist and all the work I do involves building people’s capacity for kindness, both toward themselves and others. As the fundamental principle of most systems of belief (religions, philosophical frameworks and psychological theories), kindness is considered to be the attitude and act of being kind, characterised by tenderness, concern, consideration and helpfulness. It is an act of support or helpfulness toward another without consideration or expectation of reward for the person offering the kindness.

In general terms, when we consider kindness as a concept, there’s often a strong focus on the benefit of being kind to the recipient of the act of kindness. Whilst this is certainly true, my work involves awakening us to the change that occurs for the person choosing to be kind, just as much as the recipient.

There is an unexplained outcome from the act of being kind that is relatively unexplored in modern theory and it is here that I choose to place equal focus. I hold that true kindness, motivated by the altruistic desire to serve, creates an exchange with fundamentally unpredictable consequences for both parties. Every day I hear stories in my work about people who offered random acts of kindness and created extraordinary outcomes for both giver and receiver. Dr Deepak Chopra often refers to the “unexplained power of the intention of kindness” as a force of the universe with immeasurable power to create a mutually beneficial outcome.

Our inability to offer kindness toward ourselves (what I refer to as self-compassion), results in many of the ills we see in modern life. If you do not love yourself (in the true sense of the word, not the arrogant sense), you will treat others with equal lack of respect and kindness.  Thus, the skill is to learn to be kind to YOU first and from the sure foundation of self-regard, then offer others, especially strangers, the same kindness.

This capacity, at its core, is the answer to all conflicts and unrest in our world, but such simple notions are overlooked in the relative chaos of our modern existence that focusses on the “get more, have more” style of life. 

Why not practice some random acts of kindness today and see what magic you can create in the world. You never know, it may leave you feeling more fulfilled than anything you can “get or have” and put you into that wonderful space that reminds us that we are spiritual beings having a human experience, not the other way around.  

I believe many of the challenges facing our young people today are the direct result of a lack of self respect and self love.  As adults and parents we grow these qualities in our children through the expression of kindness, among other things.  A child who grows up with gentle and kind experiences and guidance learns to respect him or her self and then to treat others in a similar fashion.  I recently spoke to 1200 young people at Bendigo South East College, the very first school in Australia to join the SuperCamp Australia School Partnership Programme,  and was delighted to experience the kindness in their welcome and the warmth in their conversations.  If we all do what we can to model kindness to children and to improve their sense of self worth and self love, imagine what the next generation could achieve.

If you know a child that would love to have 10 days of being bathed in kindness and be opened to an entirely different way of viewing themselves and the world around them, I encourage you to recommend they join us at www.supercampaustralia.org where kindness is the KEY.  Pay it forward…..and create world peace, one heart at a time

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“I am eagerly awaiting the first day of camp; sounds childish doesn’t it? But it’s true, the build up for this exciting moment in April has me telling everyone I can, and I’m not the only one. SuperCamp hits Australia on the 6th of April 2012 in Cave Hill Creek, Victoria. Heather and our team have been busy readying ourselves for the splash this camp is to create, and has already created in America, Europe, Asia, South America and Bali.

The PKC Street Team is in full swing also, creating videos and generating lots of interest in schools from all across Australia and America. The phone has been ringing non stop since the release of our very first camp date and the hype only continues to grow.

Having spent a lot of time developing every detail of SuperCamp to ensure the event runs smoothly, Project Kids Connect can’t help but become engulfed in the excitement as well. Talking to Parents as they begin the enrolment process, you get a sense of the incredible dreams and commitment they hold for their children. The act of investment and pride they are putting into their child’s success is astonishing. By entrusting the camp to teach and guide these young adolescents in becoming a part of a brighter future, their parents are motivating their children to want to strive for greatness. I am constantly amazed as I watch previous camp graduate’s parents talk about the changes in their child’s drive in school. Wouldn’t it be awesome if your child had this need and want for learning that so many students struggle to find. SuperCamp shows the importance of learning in a positive light, creating incredible opportunities that these children will remember for a lifetime. I just wish that I could have attended this innovative camp when I was younger.

The good thing about this Camp, I find is that it’s not just another one of those ordinary camps from school that were compulsory to attend and sometimes boring. This camp is run by people who believe in your child’s greatness, they want to nurture their learning, they want to help them succeed, and most importantly they want to help them use the skills they learn in every aspect of their lives to benefit their future. Give them the skills now to help them strive forward tomorrow! SuperCamp gets them learning out of the classroom in a fun and exciting manner.

Cave Hill Creek Camp is an amazing adventure awaiting in itself. The kids are going to have so much fun on the high ropes course and be challenged in team and group building activities. They will come home from this camp with a new perspective about relationships and how to understand themselves and the people they love, while also making heaps of new friends in the process.

I expect to learn an immense amount from the facilitators, who are flying in from across the globe to teach at our camp. Its because of these difference makers that I am committed to SuperCamp. Everyone here at Project Kids Connect is already set on their path to help these kids achieve greatness. SuperCamp Australia is the journey of a lifetime, the support to come through the years and the friendships to last the miles. I can’t wait for this wonderful experience to begin!”

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So, if you want your child or a child you love to share in this incredible experience and transform his or her life, simply follow this link to get all the information you need. Eden and all the members of our team look forward to welcoming a child you love!

Change a child’s life…TODAY! Visit www.supercampaustralia.org for more information.

]]> http://heatheryelland.com/blog/supercamp-hots-up/feed/ 0 http://heatheryelland.com/blog/asking-for-help/ http://heatheryelland.com/blog/asking-for-help/#comments Thu, 22 Sep 2011 02:14:34 +0000 heather http://heatheryelland.com/blog/?p=840  

Why do you suppose it is that we experience such angst when it comes to asking for help?

Be honest with yourself, think back to that time when you hit rock bottom (it is likely that it has happened before and will happen again). But I just want you to think about how you felt. Then I have a question for you…did you ask for help? Or were you one of the many who choose to battle and struggle alone. Imagine the difference of how you could felt if you could expressed to someone else that you needed some help. This may have been support, a voice to say “I notice what you are going through” or even just a hug. Do not underestimate the power in asking for help.

Once I had explored the beliefs I had about ‘asking for help’ and understood the importance of this simple action, I become more confidence not only with my own voice but also reflected on the importance of ‘giving’ help and ‘showing up’ for others. Feeling more comfortable to ask for help when you need it, is something I would like to explore with you. Because let’s face it…it’s a hard thing to do!

So lets begin with why we may not be able to ask for help.

I started not sleeping, I had trouble concentrating, I was restless, and if you were to ask my children I am sure they would say I was somewhat short tempered. Any of this sound familiar?

For most of us, dealing with our fears in a positive and constructive manner is quite the challenge, especially because we usually work as hard at ignoring the fact that we have fear as we do a dealing with it. “why do I think fear is bad? For most of us, our fear is made far worse by the fact that we label it as bad and therefore invest a great deal of energy trying hard to keep it at bay. More often than not when fear shows up we try really hard to ignore it and end up spending loads of energy on fighting against the fear, sometimes without any real sense, at least consciously, of what the issue may be that is giving rise to the fear.

The shadow of fear:

Another big challenge that arises when we fight against our fear is the size of the shadow it begins to cast. The more we try to ignore our fear and push it away, the bigger grows the shadow. The net effect of that phenomenon is to increase the perceived size of the fear – the bigger the shadow, the bigger the fear!

As a therapist, I worked with many people who had pushed away a fear for so many years that the size of the shadow had them believing the fear itself was enormous and thus they were extremely reluctant to look at the fear and see what actually lay beneath it. However, on many occasions when people were able to allow themselves to experience the fear, they discovered (usually with a large degree of relief) that the fear was not actually that big and the issues where able to be addressed without the world coming to an end. I recall one fellow in particular saying how frustrated he was that he had spent all those years not having the relationship he wanted with his son because he was so busy trying to ignore the fact that there was an issue and being unwilling to address his own fear.

So how can we deal with our fear and move forward?

Strategies to embrace fear:

So what can we do to experience fear as a natural part of life and a potentially powerful sign that something needs to be changed or addressed? Well, there are steps to take that will assist you to embrace the value of your fear and allow it to support the way you live your life, rather than constrain it. I suggest you try the following 5 step plan to taking the sting out of fear in your life;

STEP 1: Recognize it! The main thing is to know that what you are feeling is fear and to become familiar with the way it shows up in your life.

STEP 2: Know thy physiology. Your body experiences fear in a unique and particular way and it is important that you develop an awareness of what the early indicators are.

STEP 3: Notice its expression. Knowing how you generally behave when you feel fear can give insight into its presence in your life if you happen to miss the early warning signs.

STEP 4: See the patterns. It is common that certain situations will create fear for you and it is really important to know what circumstances or contexts are likely to trigger fear.

STEP 5: Change your mind-set. Each time you feel fear arise, say to yourself (aloud if it helps)…..this fear is just a sign-post – what’s the message on the sign?

Play with this and see how you go, remembering that you are not aiming to have no fear in your life ( I think that’s called death!), but to experience your fear as something that can improve the quality of your life when you see it as an emotional sign-post and deal with it effectively.

When we learn to be curious about our fear, instead of reacting to our judgement of it as bad, we can find its true value.

Often we get so busy in our lives and so focussed on taking care of others that we forget to nurture ourselves. Part of the challenge for each and every one of us is to ensure we are taking responsibility for our own health and wellbeing, which includes our own energy levels. It’s all too easy to get trapped in the story that our job is to take care of everyone else and when we do, we then get caught in feeling angry at others for robbing us of energy or we look to someone else to take care of us. In turn, we then overlook our own needs for so long that one day we wake up and feel like we’re “drifting” and have lost our sense of purpose and clarity in life. This is not a great place to be and usually has the effect of draining our energy, as we struggle to know how to go forward.

In this situation, it is possible that you could have completely lost touch with what things you find nurturing, so that even when you do make time to do something for yourself, you feel uneasy about what to do with that time. Nurturing yourself helps to ensure there is a supply of energy running into your “tank” so you can continue to invest in the people and things that matter to you. A simple step in finding “me” time can give you the energy and strive into making your relationship succeed.

What is nurture and what does it mean to “nurture yourself and others?

To answer this question we first must define nurture. Nurture is the action we take to care for, look after, foster, cultivate, take care of or cherish ourselves and others. In essence, to nurture ourselves or others is to take action to treasure, value, appreciate, relish and take pleasure in who we are and what we have to offer. This sounds simple enough, but many of us still get caught up in offering this nurturing care for others and forget that we need first to offer this care to ourselves.

You may recall having listened to the safety briefing when you have flown on a plane and when they give you instructions about the oxygen masks, they always say, “please fit your own mask before assisting others”. It’s simple really – if you can’t breathe you will be of little support to others! So it is with nurture.

To discover what you find nurturing, you have to look beyond what you like, into what you ‘need’. Things that we find nurturing in one situation may not work in another. For example, you may find that, you love to catch up with friends and go for a coffee, however when you are really tired you may find that getting a massage or having a long relaxing bath is just what you needed. So it’s not only important to know what you find nurturing, but also to be aware of what you want or need in any given situation. It all depends on how you feel at that time and what else you are doing in your life, but it reinforces the need to be aware of how you feel and what you need. In a sense, it is a matching process, as you get clear about your own needs and decide what things you will find nurturing at that time.

If you really stopped and thought about it you could probably recall times when you have felt really deeply nurtured and other times when your experience of something nurturing seemed somehow superficial. So what was different? There are many things that impact the way in which you experience nurture, including simple things like the amount and quality of sleep you get, your diet, the type of exercise you do, even the type of work you do. If you spend all day working in an office or on a computer, you may find that it’s far more nurturing to go outside and go for a walk or do some gardening than to sit quietly and read a book. Again the key is to be aware of how you are feeling and what you need in order to ensure the nurturing activity you choose has a “fit”.

By taking the time to nurture yourself you are also teaching the people around you that it is ok to love, be honest and take some time for yourself. Think that instead of cleaning your children’s room today you took the time to invest in teaching the importance of self-worth through nurturing oneself. Though doing so you are not only able to create a life that you love, but to be more present in the moment and able to express the truth of who you are. In this way, you live a more open-hearted life and you will notice that in so doing, you inspire others to do the same.

If you are feeling conflict in your relationship, you may have undermined the important influence of your Values and Beliefs. Let’s look at how they can effect your relationship, and how, to move forward and move past this issue. The importance in understanding the values and beliefs you hold, is very significantly as they influence the way you ‘show up’ in your relationship. Let’s consider them separately.

We generally think of values as the principles, standards, ethics or ideals by which we choose to live our life. I like to take this one step further and suggest that our values are emotional states that we believe are important to experience (or avoid, as the case may be). Let me explain. We all have different values, most of which we learn as we grow, and these are influenced by the people and situations we experience in our life. We take on these values (usually at a young age), based on the meaning we are taught to give a situation or experience.

The key thing to realise here is that there’s no right or wrong, but it is important that you explore and understand your values so you can usefully reflect on how they influence your behaviour, choices, and relationships.

Our beliefs are often described as the attitude, viewpoint or thinking we hold about a certain thing. Again, I like to take this further and suggest that beliefs are the feeling of certainty we have about the meaning of something and it is because of our feeling of certainty that we hold such strong attitudes or viewpoints about the things we believe in.

Understanding your beliefs allows you to make conscious decisions about the way you approach your relationship. Your beliefs are learned associations and therefore can be adapted and adjusted if you so choose.

When there’s a conflict between our values and beliefs and the information we are getting from our current situation, we generally work hard to prove that our values and beliefs are right. This causes stress and fear, which in turn creates its own emotional reaction and often we end up feeling stuck. And as we all know, this causes stress to the relationships we hold.

It’s important to understand that when conflict shows up in your relationship, it may be the result of conflicting values and beliefs. Particularly if you are experiencing this ‘stuck’ feeling of not knowing how to proceed, this shows that your values and beliefs are being challenged. Do you have that nagging feeling of guilt inside you?

How long since you had one of those days where you felt like your emotions were pushing you in all manner of directions, none of which you wanted to go?  Sometimes our emotions can feel like they have a hold over us that at the time, seems impossible to shift.  Well the good news this week is that I’m are not only going to explain why that’s the case, but give you the strategies necessary to take the ‘push and pull” out of your emotional peaks and troughs.  Emotional mastery might be defined as:

..the ability to be aware of what we are feeling in response to a particular situation or “stimulus” and make a deliberate choice about what to do with our feelings.

This is a really useful way of looking at the emotions we have in response to a particular stimulus or external event.  However, it does presuppose that we have an awareness of what we are feeling and can recognise the point at which we have a choice about how to respond.

But what of those emotions that cause you such pain and distress that you work yourself to the bone to try NOT to have them, or even be aware of their presence?  This week I will take you on a journey into the shadow of supressed emotion and help you not only accept it, but explore its hold over you and free you from its grip.

So, What do You feel?

The first thing necessary to create emotional mastery is the ability to be aware of what we are actually feeling.  This may sound simple, but many of us have developed a great skill in not allowing ourselves to feel what we are feeling or not seeing the emotions running through us.  This is a recipe for unconscious and reactive living. You can only take charge of the choices you make in response to certain feelings if you are aware of the feelings in the first place.

So the first step then is to pay clear and focussed attention to what you actually feel.

So what do you feel and how do you experience what you feel?  Being aware of your feelings and how they manifest in your being (especially your body) is critical.  If you are unaware of your feelings, there’s a good chance they will simply be suppressed, usually causing some degree of emotional “dis ease”.  Allow these emotions to be supressed for long enough and they will manifest in the body causing “disease”.  Symptoms such as head and neck aches, a tight chest, high blood pressure, poor concentration, fatigue, poor sleep patterns, weight gain, irritable bowel, and many more, are often the result of suppressed emotion or are at least worsened by it.

The feeling you feel when you are sad or grieving, for example, has a natural need to be expressed appropriately. This expression of the feeling allows its natural exit from your mind and body. However, if you feel threatened or embarrassed to naturally express your emotions, they are forced to stay inside your body.

The Problem With Good and Bad:

One of the traps with our experience of certain emotions is the tendency to label them as either good or bad.  Good emotions are those you feel happy to have, while bad emotions are those that for whatever reason you deem to be painful or bad!  This habit we have of labelling things either good or bad sets up the potential for some emotions to be relegated to the “darkness or shadow self”.

The problem then arises because that which we resist, persists.  Picture in your mind the energy it takes to push a sleeping bag back into the cover or skin it lives in.  That’s what we do with emotions we decide we don’t want to experience.  But, if you push your emotions into a bag within you, you must then continue to expend energy keeping it supressed.  By its nature, this energetic “push” continues to give life to the very thing you wish to be free of in the first place.

Again I say…. That which we resist persist!

The power of expression:

Feelings become suppressed when we feel restricted in some way in the full expressing of them. Several things influence the way in which we judge and label our emotions.  For instance, our values and beliefs, the experiences we have in life, the culture within which we live, and the socially defined expectations of how we should live.  Even basic things like the extent to which we feel safe to fully express ourselves come into play.

Imagine you have a belief that it is important not to hurt anyone’s feelings.  How do you think you would then go raising a really hard issue with someone, if your main concern was to not upset them?  More likely you would try and ignore the upset you feel that caused you to want to raise the issue.

So understanding how you can best express emotions and what may get in the way of that expression is essential, not only to our energy levels, but also to staying healthy.

Noticing how you express emotions, or the times that you don’t and why, is the first step to healthy emotional expression.

“One of the main reasons that I wanted to share my experience was to show how Heather touches so many lives with her words and love, even for someone as young as myself. And yes it’s true – Heather has changed the way that I perceive myself and the relationships around me. I watched as the participants arrived for day 1 of our event, nervous about what they would find awaiting them. I find it truly amazing how Heather can transform the room’s atmosphere in just a few seconds.  Heather talks about achieving her vision of world peace by opening one heart at a time and yes, it is a big job.  I have complete faith in her success, but also believe that her teachings will continue to open hearts long into the future through the gift of sharing. This woman has impacted my life at large and motivated each and every one of us sitting in that event room to strive for much more than we first thought possible.

Our first day was rich with excitement and from the back of the room. Getting a feel for my very first event was extremely daunting, but as I got to know the participants and feeling their energy, I could definitely understand the importance of such an event.

One of the highlights from our Women’s day was the ‘Men’s Panel’ where the women were given the chance to ask the men on our panel questions about relationships. It was really interesting to get an insight into how men perceive things differently to women, an important step in learning the differences between men and women.

Day 2 came with the men arriving, in masculine energy, into a feminine space.  My favourite part of this day was to watch as the participants looked into their “mirror’s” to really fall in love with themselves again. They created goals, and learnt about the importance of values and beliefs. Heather’s concepts of the  ’stag fight’ and how to be a ‘stand’ were a key insights which I could see had participants minds ticking over.

Day 3 I watched how the couples changed through the journey Heather guided them on.  Learning about love languages seemed to help each of them to really understand how they could show up in their relationship and be able to give their partner the love they really needed to ‘fill their love tank.’ As the day moved along, I noticed as couples began to become closer and started literally hanging off each other as they reconnected with their love.

I just want to take a moment to note the courage of the participants.  Their willingness to open up and start a new journey and ask for help and support is such a big step and I congratulate each and every one of them.

Being a part of such a wonderful and amazing crew really opened up my eyes too.  These people took time out of their busy lives to support Heather and the participants on their journey.   They showed up with open hearts 3 days in a row and created such a warm and loving environment for each person that walked through the door and for this reason, I must commend them greatly. Event Manager extraordinaire Tamara Norwood was such a big part of my own personal experience and has helped me immensely.   I have learnt so much from this beautiful person and her impact on my life only continues to grow. Chris Lorenz’s music really added another element to the fantastic atmosphere.  He played perfectly selected music, which seemed to come from heaven, helping draw everyone into the room and really connect with themselves and each other.

Thank you to all the participants, crew and mostly to Heather Yelland for such an amazing event and wonderful experience.  I look forward to many more”.

Eden

“Forgiveness is typically defined as the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and/or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution”.

To follow on from this, resentment is defined as:

“Anger or ill will resulting from a real or perceived wrong”.

The thing not mentioned in these definitions is that “real or perceived wrong” has no sense of timing, in that it may well have occurred years ago, but the residual effect of the anger and pain we carry related to that wrong goes with us every day.  The long term impact of such a weight is not only manifest in physical form, through such things as headaches, sleeplessness, stomach ulcers, skin irritations, migraines, digestive issues, elevated pulse rate and blood pressure (to name but a few), it also heavily impacts our sense of self.  It is hard to see the fullness of your own beauty, that of your relationships and the world around you if you are looking through the lenses of resentment and anger.

From my perspective, the greatest cost of not achieving forgiveness is the impact this has on our ability to truly be open hearted.  Resentment creates a barrier around the heart (to shield against further “real or perceived wrongs”) which impacts us significantly in ways we may not even recognise.  We tend to build ourselves a little fortress of perceived “security”, where we focus on the behaviour of another, we justify and defend our own perception of things, we work to maintain and promote our own righteousness, and we create a position of superiority.  We often do this by engaging others in our little dance too, somehow believing that if we can convince others of how “right” we are, we can feel even more justified in holding our position.

I recall many years ago I was sharing an experience I had of having been wronged by a friend and giving it all I had in blaming and condemning the other person.  The friend with whom I was talking (who also knew the person I was complaining about) waited until I had vented my concerns and then simply said, “I’m sorry for your pain, but I hope you don’t carry it for too long”.  I was less than happy with this response, as it seemed to ignore my pain and indeed, deny me the very thing I was wanting, which was to be consoled and have her agree with me, thus further justifying my pain.  Instead, her response somehow pointed to the core of what I was experiencing as my “choice” and initially that inflamed my pain, anger and resentment even more.  This is the catch with holding resentment and anger – it breeds more resentment and anger and causes us to close our hearts even more!

I think it was Cameran Diaz who was quoted as saying, “Holding resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die”.  Never a truer word spoken, as only you are affected by your choice to hold onto resentment.  I can recall a number of times in my life when I have felt angry and hurt by someone’s behaviour, only to discover later that the other person had no idea I was upset or caused any pain by what they said or did.  This highlights the point about each of us having a choice about our perception of a situation and what we hang on to or let go of.

You will by now be very aware that I have a strong belief that the true blessing in life is to find and live the truth of who you are.  So how can we do this with a heart that is hardened or closed by the impact of resentment and anger?  The extent to which you hold resentment in your heart and mind is the extent to which you block the experience of love, peace, joy, compassion and generosity from your everyday experience.  This will have a huge impact on the quality of your relationships.  Equally, you don’t have to look too far to see the manifestation of just such a choice in the world, which at its most extreme we call war.

You don’t need convincing that your relationship matters. Let’s face it, when it works well, everything works well…but when it’s out of whack, the whole world looks grim. You go numb, your energy drains away, and you lose sight of who you are and what you want, you drag yourself through your day and yet dread going to bed. Ask yourself this….how long is it since you heard the inner voice of love?

I mean that little voice.

You know the one. It used to speak to you lots… when you were younger and were full of vitality and your whole life stretched ahead of you like a vast ocean. When you were so full of life you thought you would burst.

The little voice used to remind you how great it is just to be YOU.

You don’t hear it so often now, do you?  It’s so deeply buried.

But occasionally it manages to worm its way to the surface. Maybe in a dream. Maybe in a poignant paragraph from a book you’re reading. Maybe in the way a sunbeam dances in your backyard. Maybe reflected back from deep within the eyes of a child.

It pops up when you least expect it and when it does it takes your breath away.

Because it asks you in a very quiet voice… is this all?

Sometimes it gets to this point in our relationships before we make a decision to take the action we know is necessary to create change.  Taking this kind of action is especially hard if you feel exhausted by the emotional drain of it all, your confidence is los (or shattered) and you’re not sure what to do to get started or how to fix things.

This is the place many couples find themselves in before they commit to getting support to reignite their love.  That’s not what I want for you!  So, after many requests, I have decided to run a free webinar to help you get clear about what to change and how to get started.  If you want support to rekindle your relationship, rediscover love and put yourself and those you love back onto solid ground, you are invited to join me.

To register yourself, simply follow this link:

https://www1.gotomeeting.com/register/516929401

Support is essential when we are making changes, so feel free to let your friends and loved ones know as well.  That way, you can all share the great strategies you will learn on the call.

I look forward to welcoming you!

Heather